Carnival

The carnival blew into town.  I shouldn't say "the" carnival but "a" carnival, as even the locals didn't seem to know what the hell it was doing here.  Having read plenty of Ray Bradbury as a kid, I know to be weary of a surprise carnival coming to town.

To be safe, as we were driving over I warned the kids specifically to stay off the merry-go-round and to avoid the house of mirrors...  just in case.  Since I've failed as a parent and neither of my kids have read any Bradbury yet I did have to explain a little more about the merry-go-round.  I can't tell you how much it pleased me a few minutes later while walking the midway to have them ask to be reminded of which way the merry-go-round went to make you younger and older.

Love my kids.

But sadly, as we wandered past the rides I didn't get any evil vibes.  Plenty of skeezy carnies, but  that comes with the territory, right?

Although I did witness one disturbing thing in the restroom.

I saw a guy walk into a shit and piss covered stall and pour a can of  coors light into a refill mug so he could surreptitiously enjoy a little drink at the carnival.

First of all, food and drink in a clean bathroom is disgusting.  But the guy was literally standing in a puddle of urine at the time.

And to go to that length for a COORS LITE???  What the hell?

I guess it's okay and I shouldn't judge.  A beer like that is akin to horse piss so maybe it's only fitting that such a transfer should take place in the most disgusting stall of the city park mens room.

Are you kidding me?!

I just saw the stupidest trailer in my entire life... way dumber than the trailer for the Prometheus trailer (yes there was a promo trailer for a trailer... WHAT?!) not that the Prometheus trailer was dumb, it just blew my mind that there was a trailer for a fucking trailer...

but I digress.

THE HOST is a movie based on a book by the evil trog that wrote the twilight series... good god people are dumb.  I'm dumb because I thought it was a trailer for a remake of the fine Korean movie with the same name... of course if that had been the case I was going to rant anyway.  Why the fuck do we need a remake?  why not just watch the actual, ya know, MOVIE.  No fucking way that remake is better than the original, and fuck anyone who won't watch it cause they don't like reading at the movies. 

Either way I was going to bitch, but Ms. Meyers needs to go away.  She sucks, and everyone who pays money to read her books and see movies based on her books need to go away as well. 

GO AWAY!

I guess I'm back... but I make no promises.

really sums it up, right?

me: I kinda want a cat.
my son: alright! Now you're thinking like a man!

Too Lazy to Blog

It is sad when you are too lazy to blog, but even worse when you blog about it.

Is this really better?

Domino's Pizza is pushing their new image like crazy.

Everything is new! Everything is better! You asked for it, you're getting it! The crust is better, our the sauce is improved with a touch of spicy, there's much less gerbil in our meat product!

That does sound lovely but I still have an issue with Domino's and since all their other changes were allegedly based on customer complaints it makes me wonder if I am the only one this bothers but I don't care this needs to be said. What is up with your pizza box????

That's right, the PIZZA BOX still sucks!

Anyone else who delivers me a pizza sends me a box that does two things well. It opens AND shuts. Very handy when you work a graveyard shift and wake up 3 hours after getting to sleep because your neighbor wants to mow his lawn or your neighbors kids want to run around screaming right under your window and you find you need a snack after quelling the urge to strangle someone before going back to bed.

Long story short, half asleep or wide awake, the Domino's Pizza box requires an advanced degree in origami to close once you've opened it. The side pops out or a tab flips up and the prospect of simply closing the pizza box becomes an unruly exercise while holding your slice in one hand dealing with a recycled cardboard nemesis in the other.

We live in the 21st century. We have cell phones and iPads and movies without Pauly Shore. Is it wrong to insist on an actual practical convenience?

AND ANOTHER THING.

The Domino's Pizza box says that their new cheese is "made with 100 percent mozzarella with just a hint of provolone." MADE WITH. You catch that? Their cheese is made with 100 percent mozzarella. So what I want to know is what percent of their cheese is this 100 mozzarella. Is it less than 50 percent? Is it more than one percent?

Yes, the mozzarella they put in their cheese is apparently fine grade Italian, but what the hell??? Why would you go through all the trouble to improve your product if you are going to sow the seeds of doubt right there on the box???

AND FINALLY

Also printed on the box is a tag that guarantees that this is now the best pizza Domino's has ever made. When you think about it, that's really not much of a promise.

Is it?

real conversations

stranger - do you know what time it is?
me - vaguely.
stranger - cool, what time is it?

we don't need new words

The twitter elite, those who manage to attract masses to their constant barrage of drivel and pointlessness in 140 characters or less, are being referred to as the Twitterati.

Seems like a waste of a word since we already have a perfect description for them.




Douche Bags.

another question

Is it really necessary to mow your lawn at 8 in the damn morning?

I need new neighbors.

Questions that need answers

When people visit France, they always wax sentimental about "Gay Paris." Is there even a "Not Gay Paris?"

A friend of mine recently told me about how horrible his day was because some girl came into his place of business (a fast food establishment) and flashed her tits for some free garlic bread. Are you fucking serious? Can I please have your life (well... except for the job part I suppose) where that is considered a low point? Please?

I can't wait till Utah decides that mixing drinks behind a ten foot wall isn't enough. I'm waiting for the day when I order my El Presidente Margarita at Chili's and they bring out my salt-rimmed glass, blue plastic shake brimming with watered down booze, and my isolation booth to drink it in. I'm guessing that happens sooner than later.

Why am I unable to quell my most irrational fears? For instance, I am terrified that someone might find out that I easily watch 2 or 3 hours of programming on E! every week.

Oops.

RV sales not down in Utah

There's an article in the SL tribune today that says that RV sales this year are about the same as last year. What they don't mention is that while last year Utahns were buying RV's for camping, this year they are buying them for living in... not to mention it's nice to have a house on wheels when the bill collectors come looking for you.