Take your stinking claws off my car you damned dirty robot!

In the news today I read about a parking garage in NYC that uses Robots to tuck your car into a small space under an apartment building. No thanks. I think I'll take my chances with human valets where there is less chance my car will be dropped. That's right, dropped. And why is it that we live in a world where robots can park cars but those coffee vending machines still suck ass?

hi there

sorry for the lack of updates as of late, I am still around, still really sarcastic, and cynical as ever. I am also in the process of moving my blog to a new location, something that is taking much more time and effort than I imagined.

thanks for stopping by, I'm only sorry I couldn't make it worth your while.

oh hell yes

Good times ahead with killer sheep ! Need I say more?

Edit - Anyone happen to recall this entry? I've been waiting for this movie for a long time.

can not wait

Until there is a trailer for My Name is Bruce, there isn't really anything I want to see more than this movie right here. I dig the subtle references to Shaun on the Dead, and I support cloning in the case of Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg on the basis that they could make more movies that way.

If you are looking forward to Reno 911: Miami, please consider this film, also due out early next year that was written by Ben Garant (Dep. Travis Junior) and Thomas Lennon (Lt. Jim Dangle). I think they should charge people to read the premise of Balls of Fury, since alone it is worth the price of admission as far as I am concerned...

Down-and-out former professional ping-pong phenom, Randy Daytona (Dan Fogler), is sucked into the world of underground Ping-Pong tournaments when FBI Agent Rodriguez (George Lopez) recruits him for a secret mission. Randy is determined to bounce back and win, and to smoke out his father's killer--arch-fiend Feng (Christopher Walken).

The trailer for this fine film is just a few mouse clicks away.

Update: I had to open my big mouth, didn't I? Both movies have been pushed back until April 2007 release dates. DAMMIT!

stuff we just don't need anymore

I'm really tired of people saying "Look at me! I'm going to have my cake and eat it too!" right before they actually take a bite of cake. Last I checked there was literally one guy who has not heard or made this joke. His name is Zagreb Dimiskrikov, he lives on the northern tip of lake Baikal, and there are days I wish I could be that guy.

I'm also tired of people who are constantly bagging on organized religion. Enough already. I personally like that there are organized religions as it makes it so much easier for me to identify blowhards from a distance.

Blogs that suck need to be deleted. How do you know if you're blog sucks? If you've blogged about the greatest ordeal you've faced in life and it involves putting soft paws on your cat, your vintage corvette, or that article in People magazine that really set you off... well, you need to fuck off already.

And there is no place for people who tell a generalized group of other people to "fuck off already." It is unaccaeptable.

Speaking of cats, I miss my cat. We put soft paws on her once...

Utah politics must go. It may have to do with the fact that the town I live in considers the "left" to be only mildly psychotically arch-conservative. Actual liberals like me are considered minions satan. I try to tell people that is only my weekend gig, but I don't think they get the joke.

People who don't get jokes, especially bad jokes by a part-time wise-arse like me.

people who over-use hyphens.

People who use enough ellipsis to make Larry King want to use a comma... or something like that.

You know there is something wrong in the world when you "google" Trans Siberian Railroad and you end up with nearly as many results for the Trans Siberian Orchestra. Excuse me while I vomit. If I'm every interested in listening to filth of that ilk, I'll purchase any one of the billions and billions of Kurt Bestor or Sam Cardon albums that sit collecting dust on the shelves of the Utah used CD stores. I'd much rather support local "grabage."

People who write the word "thanks" with an X have no place in this world. And people who spell "excuse" without the first e.

One more thing that absolutely has to go are people who make lists of all the crap they are tired of instead of putting thought into an actual blog entry.

rip dave cockrum

CNN.com reports that comic book illustrator Dave Cockrum passed away at the age of 63 while wearing his Superman pajamas and covered with his Batman blanket. Friends say he will be cremated while wearing a Green Lantern shirt. No joke here, just a moment of silence for a legend.

shameless self promotion

I'm horrible at promoting myself but if you're out there and haven't heard it yet, feel free to check out my take on some music from The Fountain. Clint Mansell wrote an amazing score for the film and it was most excellent to get a chance to work with his source material. It looks as though my own effort will probably get slammed for being too reverential to the source material but I am more than happy with the result I got, linking one Mansell theme to another (from another film no less) in my own subtle way. I approached the endeavor with a "less is more" attitude, take it or leave it. Remixing really isn't my thing though, I prefer to work with my own ideas, no matter how bad they might be.

wish I had a time machine

I would go back in time and stop me from buying and later ingesting the burrito I purchased at 7-11 which calls itself "the bomb."

where is the pulse again?

The good news is that S-Mart--the soulless retailer that employs my sorry ass--is hiring. Why is this good news? Because someone at 20th Century Fox is going to need a job. Maybe a lot of people.

In one of the most spectacular miscalculations in recent history Fox reduced the amount of screens that Borat would open up on. They cut it down to a mere 800 screens... you could almost call that a limited release these days. The reason they cut the number of screens to feature the critically acclaimed comedy was they felt people would rather see something else, or perhaps anything else.

OOPS.

Borat pulled in 9 million duckie (half of its production budget right there) in one day on those 800 screens. That's pretty good for a film that no one wants to see, unlike the Santa Clause 3 which made just 5 million on four times as many screens.

Like I said: Oops

-after the original post-

Early estimates for the weekend have Borat #1 at the US boxoffice outpacing the family friendly double punch consisting of Tim Allen in a fat suit and the CG offering from Ardaman with 26 Million, and a worldwide take of 44 million dollars in 3 days. Having just seen the film, I can only say that it was even better than I was expecting and I expected it to be really good.

will someone please make some news?

CNN.com reports that "Joey Buttafuoco is getting a little break."

I must admit I have dreams of hearing the words "Joey Buttafuoco" and "break" in the same sentence, but that's not exactly what I had in mind.