These are the top stories ripped from the headlines of three local papers that hit the stands this morning. Two are Salt Lake papers and the other is from right here in Springville. Can you guess which one?
Any time I hear the phrase "religious violence" I wonder that maybe religion is not doing its job very well.
And yes, I will get off my high horse the moment I read on CNN.com that a bunch of crazed secular humanists do something horrible. And no, CNN is not paying me to mention them here. They only pay people who have blogs that are read by more than 2 people.
You know you're in a classy place when you hear a woman shout with delight:
OOOOOH! OYSTER CRACKERS!
My best friend said he can't really get into the Olympics considering we are at war--which kind of goes against everything the Olympics are about. He makes a valid point.
Luckily, I was able to remind him that we are at war with terror, and terror does not have an Olympic team.
I hope that helps.
I just saw the state farm auto insurance commercial where--based on a true story--a state farm agent rushes proof of insurance to a woman who has been pulled over by a policeman, but has no proof of insurance.
The agent says "I didn't want her to get arrested," is the reason he rushed to scene of the heinous crime.
HORSE SHIT!!!!!
You're not going to get arrested for no proof of insurance. That is a total load of crap. At worst you'll get a ticket and a fine but you won't do "the time" for that.
Stupid commercials...
Update! - I have since noticed they have changed this commercial to the agent saying "I didnt' want her to go to trial." Thats decent of you, but I know a whole lot of people that saw the commercial the other way. Maybe I should lay off the Southern Comfort for a while...
CNN.com are really pushing my buttons today.
Forget for a moment that they are a bunch of pansies that won't report any real news (but stop everything to report breaking news that turns out to be non-news). Forget for a moment that here is an entire network that could do something, ANYTHING by just asking a few hard hitting questions and exposing the posers on the hill. Forget for a moment that the best "investigative Journalism" you will find today is not at CNN but in the Weekly World News...
Forget all that.
These assholes are going after Han fucking Solo now? BASTARDS!
Okay... now that I've had some oxygen I can get to the point. On the CNN main page today under the "Entertainment" there are links to two Harrison Ford related articles. The first is one about how he used to be a carpenter and how his reputation as a hard working perfectionist craftsman has translated into the work he does as an actor. Then it goes on to describe and praise all the work and care he put into his latest film Firewall, and how concerned he is about making a good "product."
The other link is to a review of his latest film Firewall, which pretty much tears the movie to shreds calling it a steaming pile of crap--just not in those words.
Thats fine, they are welcome to love or hate his movies as they see fit... God knows Mr. Ford has been in some pretty awful movies lately. But with the tone of the first article, the review seems to only exist to make him look like a fool.
SHAME ON YOU CNN! Haha, you guys are so clever. Lets write a story about how much time Harrison Ford spent making this a movie he could be proud of and then we'll tell everyone the film sucks! Won't he look like such an ass?!
News Flash for CNN:
If I want to see Harrison Ford looking stupid I'll rent Six Days Seven Nights.
or Sabrina
or Random Hearts
or Hollywood Homicide
or I'll just have some tequila and giggle at his accent in K-19... okay I don't need any booze to laugh at his accent in that movie...
But how dare you CNN. You... Bastards!
I have gotten several messages concerning my last entry which was deleted only minutes after being posted. Anyone on the mailing list received a notice of a new entry but by the time many actually looked at my page, the entry had already been removed.
My friend Yates asked me what was up. My brother wanted me to "fess up" and admit what I had done. Yale President Richard Levin wanted to know when I was going to go ahead and delete the rest of my blog... for the good of humanity.
All I can say is that I changed my mind. If you don't like it, contact me so I can tell you to go fuck yourself. Or, simply assume that's what I will tell you and don't bother contacting me.
It's gone. It will never be back. If you didn't see it, you didn't miss anything good. I haven't done much blogging over the past few months simply because I haven't felt like it. I do jump the gun sometimes (especially under the pressure of feeling I have to update) and start something that I later decide sucks. So thats it. It's bad enough you are reading this shit.
But in other news, I was talking to Yates about movies tonight and I was trying to explain why I hated Paul WS Anderson so much (not PTA like I was thinking for some reason). I hate him because he is looking to mess with one of the great cult hits of all time. He is developing a re-imagining" of Deathrace 2000. Please don't fuck with a classic. Get your own ideas and make those into movies. If they are shitty movies I won't say a fucking word since I know you would at least be trying.
Here's what I said about this last year when it was announced:
"The original was so much about decimating pedestrians that the actual race was almost irrelevant, and I want to restore that. Set in 2020, ours is an ultraviolent, no-holds-barred race with heavily armed Escalades, Ferraris and Aston Martins" said Anderson.
Restore what to what?! Are you kidding me?! This quote is proof that Paul Anderson is a simple-minded fool who has apparently missed the point of such a sophistcated film as the original (and yes, that was the sound of your sarcasmatron overloading). If you want to remake a movie by changing what is essentially the SOUL of a film, then DON'T CALL IT A REMAKE! It's like remaking The Godfather without all that arcane mobster crap. I mean, who gets that shit anyway? Or maybe make Platoon 2005 and leave out all that depressing "war is hell" stuff. It's such a downer.
All this guy wants to do is make a movie in the vein of The Road Warrior but not get sued by the people who hold the rights to that series and those people simply have enough sense to not let him near their product.
So lets get rid of Paul WS Anderson. Oh yeah, and while we're at it, can you tell Bret Rattner to not make anymore movies. ESPECIALLY Jackie Chan movies. Rush Hour had its moments, but he chopped up all the fight scenes Chan was in. One of the cool things about Jacki Chan movies is his ability to choreograph (along with his stunt team) these amazing fight sequences. If you've seen any of his Hong Kong movies, you know exactly what I'm talking about. In a scene like that, you don't need any fancy camera work, or rapid fire editing. You turn on the camera, point it in Jackie's direction, and then you let him do the rest.
And please don't tell me that X3 is going to compare with the first two X-men movies. Bryan Singer is a genius. No way Mr. Rattner can follow that up.
What? He followed Ridley Scott once and did okay? First of all, Ridely has his moments, but he's not a genious. Maybe he was once or twice, but most of the time he's just really, really, really good.
One of my favorite movies from the 80's has got to be The Untouchables, which chronicles the war Elliot Ness waged upon Al Capone and organized crime in Chicago during the prohibition era. A lot of people know about that part of his life which may very well be that there is a large fascination with all things mob related in this country. The cynical voice inside my head also wonders if the main reason people know this story is that it was made into a film with Robert Deniro.
Fewer people seem to know that Elliot Ness later moved to Cleveland where he locked horns with a brutal serial killer who managed to leave a blemish on the career of Mr. Ness and was largely responsible for his failed bid to become Cleveland's mayor, not to mention killing a bunch of people and chopping off their limbs and heads.
He was called the Mad Butcher of Kingsbury Run. I don't know about you, but I think thats a way better name than Hannibal Lecter. And while we're on the subject, how come we don't have any cool names for criminals these days? What I wouldn't give to hear a news story of some unknown pedestrian that had been crossing the street wherever he felt like with no regard for his own safety. He could be called the Phantom Jaywalker...
But I digress.
It seems David Fincher will be making a movie about this very story in the near future, a film that will be based o the graphic novel Torso. If there is anyone who could make a great moody period piece it would be David Fincher (Fight Club, The Game, Alien 3, Panic Room), who although seems to be flooded with brilliance, occasionally misses the mark. But he's the kind of director who is certainly worth the gamble. This guy is so good at creepy. I wait with as much patience as I can manage.
But if he doesn't make this movie, I will.
way back in June I mentioned that I was never given a magnetic name tag at work. It had been ordered years ago and had yet to "arrive."
Three years after ordering my tag, it finally showed up. It finally fuckin showed up, I don't even care if it has too many f's on it. Its great. To whoever finally ordered it I say thanks. Now if that was the only thing at work that was putting holes in my shirts I'd be set.
Since this was such a slow day/month/last few months, I thought I would look through my archives to find something interesting in my unpublished entries.
I learned something today - there's a very good reason those entries were never published.
I have survived a lot of horrible things in my life. But nothing comes close to the book State of Fear by Michael Crichton. This may be the most tedious book I've ever read, and that's coming from a guy who read Deception Point just a few months ago. Dan Brown comes off as a master craftsman compared to this stupid piece of pathetic trash.
The greatest lie in this book is in the blurb. It says: "...the novel races forward on a roller-coaster thrill ride..."
The only thing thrilling about this book is that if needed it is thick enough to be used to beat the living shit out of any Yale President that might hate your blog. And as for racing forward... Bull-fucking shit!
Now I realize that blurb is often a description of the book the publisher wishes for purposes of marketing and sales, but this is by far the most calculated and vile exaggeration perpetrated on the readers anywhere or any time. There is absolutely no way a book can "race forward" when nearly three fourths of the books 571 pages are dedicated to people droning on and on, preaching their views on global warming and other environmental issues but doing so in the most unimaginative and uninteresting way possible.
Mr. Crichton sends his characters around the globe in search of radical environmentalists who happen to be in far away places in order to allow his characters to have lots of time to rehash the same old arguments, spout facts, and drone on and on and on, killing any momentum his plot (unoriginal as it may be) may have gained in the previous chapter when one of his 'heroes" shuts up for long enough to actually do something. But even then they have to talk about it.
This book could be cut down to about a hundred pages and it still wouldn't be that great. And if there is a point to this book it is lost in the tedium, which is so painful I feel like I may have to investigate litigation against Mr. Crichton for the physical pain reading his book has caused me.
If I need to spend several hours listening to blowholes spout their opinions, I'll stick to Fox News.
