something else

I am really getting tired of hearing the phrase "it takes all kinds..."

Especially when uttered by someone who has observed someone else doing something really stupid. I got news for you...

It only takes one kind. The stupid kind.

just when I was feeling like Utah was settling down

Every time I think to myself that Utah isn't really that much weirder than the rest of the world...

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah (AP) -- A judge will ask the state Supreme Court on Wednesday to let him stay on the bench after a commission that oversees judges ordered him dismissed because he has three wives.

The State has in the last few years been taking a fierce stand against guys with lots of wives. Not only are they trying to eliminate it through legal means, but they are getting a lot of help from the local church majority who have kindly eliminated references to it in most of their current literature.

That Walter Steed, who has been a judge for 25 years and happens to have more than one wife, should be the next target only makes sense.

Personally I worry that if his legal career is destroyed through this, there will be nothing left for Mr. Steed but to be put out to stud.

I get mail

I recently got a message regarding my blog in the old mailbag. Here's what it says:

Mr. Blunderson

I've been reading your blog but I can't help but notice that it is full of spelling and gramatical errors. If I can be of any assitance in these matters don't hesitate to ask.

I have the time.

Here is how I responded:

Mr. J Conners

Eat Me.

Regards,

N Blunderson III

you can't make me do it

If you happened to be reading CNN.com or keeping track of the activities of the European Space Agency, then I am sure that you are aware that next week they will be sending up a craft that will probe Venus.

I know there are people out there who think that I would make the obvious joke, but I refuse. Why? Because you have already made the joke in your head, and I am not as predictable as you might think. Get off my back, as I simply will not ask the question that every half-assed jokester on the planet is making right now.

If you want thoughtful observational humor stick around, but if you came here hoping I would dare ask the question - When will we probe Uranus? You can forget it. Keep moving. There's no room for you here.

second best day ever

Dark Horizons is reporting that Darren Aronofsky (my favorite director on the whole freakin planet) has signed on to direct an episode of ABC's Lost, which will air around the beginning of May sweeps.

Although smaller scale than his films, the mere thought of what he could do on Lost is throwing me into a seizure....

why is this the second best day? Because the best day will be when the episode actually airs. Now I just have to wait until may...

argh!

CNN is actually reporting that if an election were held today President Bush would lose.

TALK ABOUT YOUR POINTLESS FUCKING NEWS!

While we're talking pointless news, I'm going to say right now that I could probably kick Godzilla's ass in hand to hand combat. Report that you CNN bitches! At least there's some human interest there... well, for me anyway.

The funny thing is that my fight with Godzilla is about as likely as a Bush election at this juncture so what is the point? What good does this information do me?

Yes his approval rating is in the shitter, and he's pissing people off right and left, but it doesn't matter since all he has to do is manage to not get lynched during the remainder of his term... which is his second term... which a bunch of idiots gave him in the first place.

And don't think for a second that Bush feels some sense of loyalty to the party. Don't give me that bullshit line that he has a duty to right the ship for the good of the party to ensure another republican congress and or president. Don't give me that because the current administration is only interested in doing things for their own embetterment. They could give a flying shit about anyone else. It doesn't matter if you're red, blue, their mother, gay daughter... whatever. You're just a pawn for their benefit and if you can't help them get what they want then you can go fuck yourself... which is about all you'll have left when they are finished with this country.

Hell, they'll probably make that illegal too.

... dear god... I just need to stop reading the news completely.

I do NOT get it

CNN.com has an article that dares speculate "who will replace Howard Stern?" Although there is a small list of people who could be the next big thing on the radio, it is quite possible that there will never be another Howard Stern.

Boo fuckin who

I never understood anything about Stern. The guy is not funny. He's not interesting. Oooh he has naked women on the radio. That’s real exciting entertainment if you have never heard of... oh yeah, the internet. If anything he's just proved how dull and stupid strippers and porn stars are and no wonder they don't get paid to talk...

What other amazing marvels can you reveal, Howard?

I for one won't miss Howard Stern. His sidekick Artie--I don't know his last name--has never said a funny thing in his whole life. He couldn’t be funny if had a damn joke book glued to his hand.

Good riddance to both of you.

While I'm at it, other people who need to disappear are Adam Carolla, Jimmy Kimmel, and that bitch Joe Rogan. These guys are so unfunny it hurts.

There are plenty of comics out there who are genuinely funny that will never have their own Comedy Central talk show. Its a crime against all comics who bust their asses that dullard half-wits such as these are paraded about as "entertainers' and offered to the public as someone worth even a second of what little time we have on this earth.

Of course, leave it to the American public to love each and everyone of these lame-ass dipshits, tuning in right after they get done watching The OC.

If you really need to morn anything or anyone in the entertainment industry, shed a tear that Jim Cameron isn’t making any more movies with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Cry that Rocky VI or King Conan isn’t in production right now. Then throw a rock through the window at Warner Brothers Studios for sitting on Darren Aronofsky’s The Fountain. Release it! PLEASE!

I’m sorry you suits are too stupid to get it. You assholes have no shame in shoving shit like The Dukes of Hazzard upon the masses, but you won’t take a chance on what could potentially be the most interesting and thought provoking film released this year????

Those guys will never listen to me. They’re too busy rolling naked in their Harry Potter cash piles to listen to my tiny voice.

It is about time

CNN is reporting that Sylvester Stallone has signed on to reprise his role as boxer Rocky Balboa in a sixth installment of the series. He will write AND direct.

I'm thrilled to hear this. Laugh if you want... hell, you could scoff even. The truth is, this may be the best chance he has to make enough money he can finally pay back that 20 bucks he owes me...

if only we could beam him up

CNN is reporting that the cremated remains of actor James Doohan, famous for his role as Scotty in the original Star Trek television series, were to be launched into space in accordance with his last wishes.

Sadly the launch was canceled due to electrical problems. A spokesman for the Space Services Inc told the family about the cancellation:"we don't have the power."

makes me so sad

There are a lot of things that make me sad... things that other people do. The people that do them... well thats another story.

For one thing, Now that I am in my thirties I try to avoid talking about things I did in high school. Not that it wasn't a great time in my life, I've simply lived enough since then that I find I have other things to talk about. I find that people who are still talking high school sports glory stories at my age are really, rather pathetic.

Worse than that are people in their twenties that have no high school sports stories to tell, yet manage to find plenty to talk about thanks to time spent playing peewee football or Jr. Jazz...

If the best you can do in the realm of conversation is talk about your city league sports days when you were in 8th grade, you should probably shut the fuck up. I don't care who you tackled, or who you boxed out to the floor, or how many times you fouled out... there is no one on this planet who gives a flying fuck. Not to mention the fact that it simply rubs the guys who have only Junior Varsity stories the wrong way.

JUST LET IT GO!

Another thing... I was recently privy to a serious debate on what was the better show, Sesame Street or Between the Lions. I guess there may be a time and place for that if you happen to be a parent or... I don't know... six years old. If you are a single male between the ages of 21 and 25 and you have no kids and you are having this discussion there is a very good chance that you are never going to get laid.

Ever.

Never ever.

And just so you know the Mr. Belvedere Fan Club guys are going to beat the living shit out of you. Not only because they can, but because you desperately need it.

You should probably start running.

And for the record, Sesame Street is WAY better.