Why I love Lewis Black

Lewis Black says - "Blogging is like masturbating into a mirror and videotaping it so you can watch it later while you are masturbating."






I know this sounds silly but I can't help but wonder if he found my tapes...





I mean, how else would he know?

conversation with a... well I'm not really sure

This is an actual conversation (part of a greater conversation that plumbed the depths of absolute absurdity) I had with one of this single most bizarre individuals (BZ)I have met in a very long time.

BZ - So what do you do besides S-Mart?

Me - I'm a stay at home dad.

BZ - Cool. (long pause) So... do you have kids?

Me - uh (pause) yes.

BZ - That's cool. I love kids. I have a kid.

Me - (spoken with that rather frightened hope he's not serious tone) huh.

BZ - No not yet, I don't have any kids yet but I have one on the way.

Me - okay. (moving on, walking away)

BZ - Well... (following me) actually I'm not married so I don't have a kid on the way but since I am
going to have kids I kind've have a kid on the way.

Me - No, actually you don't. Not at all.

BZ - But I'm about to get married.

Me - gee I doubt it.

BZ - I know but I want to so as soon as I ask someone so whenever that is it will be like three months
later.

Churchill's Down by 2der Mooby

Over the last few weeks I've been working on a ton of new stuff to help expand my little music project. This is one of several tracks that I'll soon be pushing on local clubs until they all get restraining orders. It still needs some work (I've got to fine tune some of the drum channels and fix a few issues with the fx levels) but this will at least give you the idea.

yet another true story

I shared the story detailed in the previous post with a neighbor who as soon as they heard the french toast bit asked me if I remembered when "they wanted to rename french fries to freedom fries."

I rolled my eyes and changed the subject.

OF COURSE I REMEMBER! It just MIGHT have something to do with why I would bother telling the story in the first place. As much as I dislike people who go around explaining why everything is funny (what am I five?) I certainly don't need it in the case of my own jokes.

Sure, we've all missed a joke now and then and that's fine. We each as individuals have the capacity to ask for clarification or we can even research it for ourselves (hooray for Google! - I just made twenty-five cents) if we find it that important. In some cases we can even let apathy drive us and we simply move on with our lives. Part of the beauty of humor is not everyone gets everything. That's just how it is and how it always will be.

But there seem to be some people who think they are so much more clever than the rest of us that they spend too much time explaining every last joke or silly moment in every story, film, television show and Wierd Al hit single and that takes the fun out of everything.

Quit leaching the fun out of funny, you monsters!

Happy Fourth

Hope everyone enjoys their Fourth of July. I Celebrated mine with breakfast at some place that had the audacity to serve all you can eat French Toast. For some reason I don't think Dick Cheney would approve.

get on the green train

RECYCLING!

It's the new "not giving a shit"

what do I really think of S-mart?

I get this question a lot since I bag on it here and I don't like talking about it in general, so let me clear it up for everyone.

If I was born in a hole and was retarded I'd think it was the greatest job in the world.

But I wasn't, and I'm not, so I don't.

goobye, ya angry f@#k!

Rest in peace Mr. George Carlin. Thanks for teaching me how to shower economically.


Asshole, armpits, crotch and teeth... and if you really want to save money you use the same brush for everything.

Morlock that I am

I don't mind it. It's what I am and I'm okay with that.

Besides, being one of those Eloi surface dwellers is overrated. Mostly in that there is a chance they will be eaten by a Morlock. I don't have that problem.

But I do often wish there was a convenient way to carry steak sauce about. It's impossible to know when one will need it (it's always such an impulsive thing) and lets face it, "be prepared" isn't exactly the motto of my kind. Since there is no way I'm going to carry a bottle of A1 steak sauce small enough to fit in my pocket and I simply refuse to wear a fanny pack I might just be SOL, know what I mean?

Life can be tough, ya know?

it's a fair question

Which is worse, genuine douchiness or fake niceness?

I'm not sure but right now I'm leaning toward fake niceness as being worse.

Edit - This is a lame entry but still better than most blogs. I have had a lot of things I was going to blog about but haven't gotten around to like the time I bought gum called Fabulous Fruitini, or the time I had a near death experience due to a gummi shark with a liquid center, or the time my son asked me why we didn't name him Indiana Jones, or the time my daughter wanted to make sandwiches shaped like Bender (the robot from Futurama) so someone could finally bite his shiny metal ass, but it's too much work I suppose.

Sad, but if it wasn't you would have read it somewhere other than a glorified end note.