another jesus shark

Avid readers of my blog (all four of you) might remember this post a while back about a shark giving a virgin birth. I don't mean to alarm you, but it's happened again.

I have nothing to add beyond the gee whiz factor of it all...

and everything I said in the original post.

I didn't need to know about this

CNN.com is reporting that scientists at Berkeley have demonstrated a material that is able to cloak three dimensional objects.

Geez that gives me heartburn. I'd say I hope that technology never falls into the wrong hands but I can't imagine there being any right hands in this situation. The horrifying possibilities are endless.

If there is a bright side to this situation, the fact that this is going on at Berkeley makes me wonder if this is less about military applications and more about some hippie scientists that can't afford to get caught smoking a fatty.

for some reason it makes sense.

For all you day workers who read my blog and have ever thought that your job is killing you, CNN.com reports today that my job really is.

According to the report "...the International Agency for Research on Cancer, the cancer arm of the World Health Organization, will add overnight shift work as a probable carcinogen." The American Cancer Society will likely do the same.

It's not enough that my job is a pain in the ass, it could literally be giving me cancer.

CNN.com told me long ago that people who work graveyards are more likely to have health, social, relationship AND psychological problems, but this feels like a real bonus kick in the shorts.

Working after dark on a regular basis can disrupt a persons biological clock which is problematic since certain natural defenses against cancer are produced at night.

I do have a newsflash for CNN.com: I don't need any more reasons to hate my job.

Film at 11.

gag me with a turkey

CNN.com posted an article today about competitive eating. George Shea, Chairman of the International Federation of Competitive Eating says people who compete in such contests are athletes who "train for their sport, working to improve jaw strength and increasing their stomach capacity."

I do that too, but I'm not an athlete I'm just fat and gross.

Mr. Shea is out promoting some turkey eating competition that will be televised on Spike TV. "Seeing these guys go at a 20 pound turkey is like poetry," he says.

I would have to disagree. Poetry can be bad sometimes but it should never make you vomit.

I know a lot of these "athletes" are not overweight and are in decent shape considering what they do, but watching them shove food down their throats might be the single most disgusting thing (outside of a White House press conference from the past seven years) I've seen. As my family can attest, considering some of the shit I've witnesses in the name of "special musical numbers" that's really saying a lot.

My biggest problem with these pseudo-sports (eating, cup stacking, soccer) is that at the end of the day who really gives a shit?

Sure I'm bitter. I'm a champion underachiever. I'd be less pissed off if mine was a sport that was televised on ESPN 2. When that day comes I can promise you two things will happen: I'll ease up on competitive eaters and I will rule the world.

Speaking of the Spice Girls...

America is getting dumber, I can not deny that. It does warm my heart to see that I'm not the only one that doesn't give a shit about David Beckham and his former Spice Girl wife. A reality show about their arrival here in the States was watched by fewer people than watched a repeat of Wife Swap.

In the war against this nation's burgeoning stupidity it's not a victory per se, but every little bit counts.


entry notes
In case my brother is curious how much I just don't care about these two human beings (and as far as I'm concerned they barely qualify that characterization) I put them right up there next to your recent estimation of Larry King.

If other readers are curious as to what that means exactly, let's say for now that it is not good.

One final note, anything in italics on this blog should be read in the voice of John C. Mcginley as Dr. Cox from Scrubs unless otherwise noted.

Hells Bells Yes

Way back in 1980, a little band called AC/DC closed their Back in Black album with a song that mentioned among other things that "rock and roll ain't gonna die," and how right they were. I always imagined they were speaking in generalities but it need not apply to more than that particular album which last year (26 years later) sold 440,000 copies.

Why would I even bother bringing this up? First of all, Back in Black is a great album that like a fine wine has only gotten better with age. Secondly, there was an article about it on CNN.com... duh.

What amuses me most about this article and the numbers from Nielson Soundscan is that they confirm that rock and roll ain't noise pollution while simultaneously suggesting that Ace of Bass, Bobby Brown and the Spice Girls (and other musicians of that ilk) just might be.

Not that the notion should shock anyone.

end of the world as we know it

CNN.COM reports that a shark virgin birth is a warning to man.

Well, duh...

I got that warning loud and clear, if you need me to spell it out for you here it is: Jesus is back as a Hammerhead and he's at a Nebraska Zoo.

Now I get why he was so big on people feeding his sheep. In his current form he can munch on those fattened up sheep as tasty snacks. It all makes so much sense now.