NOMAD

Anyone familiar with the whole scandal involving the Borat movie—as sad and hysterical as that is—is likely aware that in an effort to counter the “negative publicity” from Borat, Kazakhstan has made the most expensive movie in their country’s history. It’s called Nomad, and from what I have seen it has potential. If you don’t believe me take a look for yourself, although be warned that this page does play the first few minutes of the film automatically.

http://www.universcinema.com/ww/chfr/film/nomad.html

The film also has an official webpage—a page that plays music once it is all loaded up. You can view the trailer using the second link from the left hand side at the bottom of the page.

http://www.kochevnik-film.ru

The film looks both intriguing and epic, and promises plenty of violence so I’m already on board. I’m really taken by the production values, perhaps because I figured this movie would look lame… I can't say why I expected that, but I swear it is not because I am a huge Borat fan.

I’m 100% behind Borat. This is definitely one of the few movies I am looking forward to seeing this fall along with The Fountain, The Prestige, Tenacious D, and Babel… its looking to be a good season, which will be followed by a way decent winter considering Pan’s Labyrinth is due out before the end of the year and has already earned a nomination for the Mexican equivalent of an Academy Award in the foreign language category. Besides, anyone who doesn’t worship Guillermo Del Toro sucks rhino dick… that happens to be a crime in this and many countries… sucking the rhino dick, not harboring less than warm feelings for Mr. Del Toro although that should be.

But I digress…

I am intrigued that Nomad happens to star, among other American actors, a man named Mark Dacascos. This is the guy who plays “The Chairman” on Iron Chef America. Why do I worry that he will only have a cameo where he appears at some point with his Iron Chefs to announce that today’s secret ingredient is Sacha Baron Cohen’s nuts?

To be fair, Mark Dacascos is an impressive martial artist. The only movie I have seen him in is The Brotherhood of the Wolf, which has such amazing cinematography it will almost make you forget that it was made by a bunch of America hating French.

fall movie preview

I was going to take a moment and present a list of films set to be released this fall but as I looked over my information, there was only one burning question in my mind…

What’s the point?

The only movie worth seeing isn’t due out until next year, so why waste your money on films that will be arguably inferior and ultimately a waste of your time.

The film I speak of - My Name Is Bruce.

Anyone who has been waiting for Evil Dead 4 knows that the possibility of it being made is about as likely as Pat Robertson not being an anti-semite. Sam Raimi would have to run the Spiderman franchise into the ground and then some for there to be any remote chance of another Evil Dead.

My Name Is Bruce is a little film starring legendary B movie actor Bruce Campbell playing... well, Bruce Campbell as he is mistaken for Ash from the Evil Dead movies by the citizens of a town with a real demon problem.

What more do you need?

The film’s cast includes Ted Raimi, and since Bruce is also directing the film, we can be sure that there will be enough classic one-liners and fake shemping to last us for years and years.

My Name Is Bruce is currently in post-production and is set to be released next year.

As a side note to all of this, there are people all over the internet who keep calling this movie They Call Me Bruce which is actually the name of a very silly kung fu movie from the 80’s about a Korean guy who keeps getting mistaken for Bruce Lee. One of the scenes that sticks out in my mind is where he is trying to convince some cops that his nunchucks are his chopsticks. “I’m a big eater,” he says… but its been years since I’ve seen it. There is also a sequel called They STILL Call Me Bruce.

alone and afraid

Even in a “mature” age, I occasionally find myself with misgivings about being alone. A creak, a bump, any sound no matter how insignificantly mundane or ubiquitous can be transformed into something concerning or even shockingly frightening for the tiniest of moments. I freeze in my tracks as adrenaline washes over me… a sensation that passes in the microseconds that span the time it takes my brain to process the experience. I quickly return to a state of ease as I try to ignore that fleeting moment of embarrassment that comes from jumping at the sound of a venetian blind snapping back against an open window in the afternoon breeze.

I like to cook when I’m alone in the house. Not only does it help me relax, but there is something especially gratifying about spending a lot of time preparing and cooking a meal that only you will eat. There are fears that haunt me as I cook by myself. These fears are exponentially more fantastic than those associated with simply being alone. They involve complex narratives that unfold vividly in my mind which is cursed by a hero’s helping of a morbid active imagination, involving atmosphere and characters and occasionally subplots. The most common of these horrific fantasies is most likely a fear that is more common than I like to think.

How many times has this happened to you?

I have spent an evening chopping and prepping a fine bird with shallots, potatoes, and other various accoutrements, and have put it in a perfectly preheated oven. I sit down on the couch to read a book as my meager living space gradually fills with the smells of culinary temptation so splendid that a pathetic wordsmith such as me could never describe them with reasonable justice.

Minutes pass too slowly. The aroma begins to consume my mind from the outside in. Soon it is impossible to concentrate on my reading. It is then that the phone rings. It startles me, waking me from a dream I never want to end. I answer it without hesitation.

“Hello?”

Nothing is my answer. Again, I say “hello?”

Then I hear it. The whispering desperate voice that causes my heart to pound even before I hear all the words it articulates “have you checked the chicken?!”

I just hope the call isn’t coming from inside my own house…

Mr Blunderson is a regular contributor to absolutely nothing… not even his own blog.

this was bound to happen

CNN.COM reports that a body has washed up near where a crew was shooting a scene for CSI: Miami. I guess that is a little irony... kind of like if the Friends cast went and hung out at a coffe shop between takes, or if someone got a parking ticket outside the Law & Order set.

According to the article, this is not the first time this has happend near or at a CSI set. No surprise there I suppose... there must be 8 thousand different CSI spinoffs. Something bad is bound to happen near one of them. That's just the law of averages right there.

oh hello Mr. Clooney

CNN.COM headline from the entertainment section - "Clooney, Nobel winner demand Darfur action." Will someone tell me what is entertaining about that?

I suppose it might be a well placed story considering that PEOPLE magazine readers could probably take a break from the "usual" and get a taste of what’s going on in the world. Perhaps they will realize there are greater tragedies than missing the latest gossip on Brittney and Kevin or even just George Clooney.

My concern is that this is going to turn me off to reading entertainment news. It's where I go to find stories that will not challenge me, and certainly not be a considered a "downer." Whatever you may think of Mr. Clooney or celebrities who are "getting involved" this story seems like real news to me, and should be grouped thusly. This whole thing reeks of a "you got chocolate in my peanut butter" type situation without the delicious results.

In some REAL entertainment news, I see that Ashton Kutcher is in a movie with Kevin Costner called The Guardian. Apparently, one plays a young man who joins the coast guard to fill a void in his life and is taken under the wing of a gritty hardened yet renowned rescue swimmer, and I can’t wait to find out who plays what.

I also want to know which one will be the “port in the storm” and which will be the “line in the sand.” And I can’t help but wonder if and when this movie bombs at the box office if Kevin Costner won’t jump into Ashton’s face suddenly and shout “I punk’d you BEEOTCH!”

In the real world, I’ve recently been getting really tired of comments made by some of my co-workers at the soulless retailer concerning other employees who they think are beneath them. It’s getting to the point where I might choke on the smug, and that pisses me off. Let me let you in on a little secret: Even if you are better than everyone else at S-Mart, you are still only the best at S-Mart and that doesn’t mean shit.

adventures in sleep deprivation

you know that you are not getting enough sleep when you try to put these on -

but then you realize you have actually put on this -

at least there were only about 15 people who witnessed this...