for some reason it makes sense.

For all you day workers who read my blog and have ever thought that your job is killing you, CNN.com reports today that my job really is.

According to the report "...the International Agency for Research on Cancer, the cancer arm of the World Health Organization, will add overnight shift work as a probable carcinogen." The American Cancer Society will likely do the same.

It's not enough that my job is a pain in the ass, it could literally be giving me cancer.

CNN.com told me long ago that people who work graveyards are more likely to have health, social, relationship AND psychological problems, but this feels like a real bonus kick in the shorts.

Working after dark on a regular basis can disrupt a persons biological clock which is problematic since certain natural defenses against cancer are produced at night.

I do have a newsflash for CNN.com: I don't need any more reasons to hate my job.

Film at 11.

thank god it's monday

When you work in retail as I do, at a mega-shopping type deal as I do (Shop Smart, beeotches. Shop S-Mart) you find yourself a lot more popular among certain people when Black Friday is rolling around. Too bad none of those Jerkoffs read my blog, cause then I could save myself a lot of lame-ass conversation...

Jerkoff
So, you guys going to have any big sales on friday?

Me
No, actually I don't even think we're open on that day.

Jerkoff
Really? It's like the biggest shopping day of the year.

Me
I'll pass that along to my boss next time I see him.

Another classic one is where the jerkoff thinks I will give them inside information on the sale...

Jerkoff
So, what are some of the big sale items for black friday?

Me
We'll have a two for one on douche bags, same as every friday.

Jerkoff
That's funny. Seriously, what do you guys have?

Me
If you go straight to the doors in the very back, we'll be selling some
children we saved from a burning orphanage.

Jerkoff
What?!

Me
Sure, you'll be doing them a huge favor. Any that we don't sell will be
shipped to Thailand.

Jerkoff
Why would I want to buy a kid?

Me
Yeah, you're probably better off with the douche bags.
You'll enjoy the company I'm sure.

My absolute favorite is the assumption that I have insider information on other retail chains sales...

Jerkoff
So, you know what any of the other stores are going to have this year?

Me
Are you retarded? Cause I saw you driving before in a van with your
kids in it, but now I think you shouldn't risk putting your children in
danger. Excuse me while I make a few calls.

I know it's a little late to stop anyone from bugging the shit out of me this year since that week has passed but please spread the word: If you know someone who works in retail and you are about to ask them about Black Friday, try instead something they might give a shit about, like a conversation about the weather or your last bowel movement.

And you wonder why I'm going to start telling people who ask that I'm a professional pornographer.

some one stop me!

As things go, I'm on pace to have more blog entries in a single month than I've had for a very long time. This entry probably shouldn't count since it's mostly to point out how often I'm blogging. Too bad that blogging 5 times in a month is a lot for me.

To make this post an even greater waste of your time I thought I'd mention that I'll be posting more and more 2der Mooby stuff in the margin over there ------>

Right now there is a new track called "Frantic Attack" If you're interested in that sort of thing I'll probably be putting up a new song every two weeks or so.

Happy Thanksgiving.

gag me with a turkey

CNN.com posted an article today about competitive eating. George Shea, Chairman of the International Federation of Competitive Eating says people who compete in such contests are athletes who "train for their sport, working to improve jaw strength and increasing their stomach capacity."

I do that too, but I'm not an athlete I'm just fat and gross.

Mr. Shea is out promoting some turkey eating competition that will be televised on Spike TV. "Seeing these guys go at a 20 pound turkey is like poetry," he says.

I would have to disagree. Poetry can be bad sometimes but it should never make you vomit.

I know a lot of these "athletes" are not overweight and are in decent shape considering what they do, but watching them shove food down their throats might be the single most disgusting thing (outside of a White House press conference from the past seven years) I've seen. As my family can attest, considering some of the shit I've witnesses in the name of "special musical numbers" that's really saying a lot.

My biggest problem with these pseudo-sports (eating, cup stacking, soccer) is that at the end of the day who really gives a shit?

Sure I'm bitter. I'm a champion underachiever. I'd be less pissed off if mine was a sport that was televised on ESPN 2. When that day comes I can promise you two things will happen: I'll ease up on competitive eaters and I will rule the world.

for when you have nothing else to blog about

Google Ads have become so ubiquitous that I don't even notice the weird ones anymore. It took a spotter to point this gem out to me:


I really miss out when I ignore stuff.

tv changes

Forget the writers strike, even if that gets resolved so the world can have new episodes of and The Office30 Rock not everything on the boob tube right now is fixable.

Case in point, Joe Mantegna recently replaced Mandy Patinkin as head of the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit on the show Criminal Minds. It was never going to be an easy task to fill the shoes of Inigo Montoya himself, and I have no qualms with Joe Montegna on principle. He's a legend in my mind. The problem is that whenever he is speaking on the show, I don't hear the voice of the haunted and complex character who heads the Behavioral Analysis Unit. I hear Fat Tony from the Simpsons.

It's not just me either. My wife and I sat giggling through the entire episode this week.

Another big change came on American Chopper. This has been one of my favorite shows on TV since it started. For those that know me and are scratching their heads, it's true. I'm not a chopper guy and I'm not a reality TV guy, but the family dynamic has been more than enough to keep me glued to this show for years. Vinnie DiMartino recently left the shop to pursue his own thing which is all well and good. He's been doing the heavy lifting for years at that shop and shouldn't be relegated to standing in the shadow of others. But he was more than an all-purpose shop rat and fabricator. He was the foil to the jackass-ery of the Teutul family and now that's he's gone, they are suddenly less sympathetic to me. I still like Mikey, he's the shit. But the show has lost more than just an employee at OCC.

The good news is I suddenly have 2 hours every week to fill by doing my own thing. What are the chances of me filling the void with something other than more television?


One in Infinity?

I couldn't have said it better