Big Twilight News!

If you don't know, Twilight is a book that was written by some local BYU grad about a young girl who falls in love with a vampire. The book is all the rage with girls of all ages who live in Utah and apparently some other people like it too because they're making it into a movie!!!!

The big news is over at Dark Horizons they're reporting a bunch of people who I've never heard of are going to be in this movie adaptation I'll never see and don't give a shit about.

Aren't you glad I passed that on?

If I seem a little bitter today you'll have to forgive me, the geniuses in charge of S-Mart decided it was a good idea to turn our lights down to 25% while us overnight schmucks are on the clock. It's like working in a sea of gray which really is the last thing I need. The good news is that management is no longer dimmer than our fluorescent bulbs... but who knows how long that will last?

Ralph Nader - Enemy of the People

Big Ralph has announced he is running for president... again.

How do you spell megalomaniac-dipshit-muthafucker?


Don't be a douche bag Ralph, you've done more to hurt this country than help it over the last eight years, and you only seem to come out of your hole every four years or so... seems to be based on some sort of cycle. Just go away, keep your mouth shut, and play some backgammon or something so I'll be able to remember you for the decent things you might have done in your life for the love of god.

put the sharp thing away

A lot is made about chimps that are able to utilize primitive tools, yet we never hear about the one's that pick up a stick and promptly poke themselves in the eye. Surprisingly, it happens enough there is a class distinction for this. Scientists generally refer to them as middle management, I just call them boss.

Is it time we find a word to replace "superiors" in the work place? There's a universal question for ya.

little people, big annoyance

Big shock for those who know me, my family is short. Last night we were out at dinner for my dad's birthday and while my pop was away from the table getting some more food, some strange (and by strange I mean unfamiliar) woman appeared and said something to the effect that she had just spoken to my dad and that she had told him she had two daughters and one was shorter than the other and the taller referred to the other as a midget "and that was just mean!"

She went on and on while my mom, my sister, and I sat stunned that some strange (and by strange I mean someone who makes other people uncomfortable by their inherent weirdness) woman was interrupting what had to that point been a nice little evening out. My mom did her best to nod and smile and even interject an "oh wow" or "that's great" when appropriate and normally I would do the same (tis a talent of mine) but this woman was so strange (and by strange I mean her presence and intrusive conversation had me scanning the room for people who might have some pepper spray handy) that I lost all patience with her and began thinking I should get up and get more food myself (what can I say? Pop loves the buffets and it was his birthday).

Sadly, the geography of the situation left me in a position that getting up and navigating past her would have been comparable to the Persian Army trying to get through the Spartans in the Pass of Thermopylae. In other words, I could have done it eventually but would have sustained heavy and disproportional losses in the process.

Trapped, I sat and waited it out, but not before I heard about this womans goats, a deformed baby goat that was fixed by a vet so it could walk and survive, and something about her boxers (her puppies not unmentionables... mercifully). Even the people around us were starting to notice. There was a large Polynesian gentleman about 10 feet away who watched in horror as the diatribe played out. He flashed me a look of pity before trying to make himself as invisible as could, lest this woman see him and have something to tell him too.

Finally it was over and she walked away as she pumped her hand in the air saying "hooray for little people!"

I don't need a pat on the back. I have plenty of shortcomings (pardon the pun) but none are involved with my size really. Same with the rest of family, except for my big brother, he was the tall one so he was always in charge of reaching stuff and putting away the glasses that went on the top shelf.

I feel I should have stopped that lady and told I was impressed that she could dress herself or any number of other things that came to mind, but you can't waste pithy comments and witty comebacks on dumb people. And I'm sorry, if a person thinks anyone in my family needs a pep talk because of our size they are clearly of the ilk that they can't be called stupid because that would be an insult to stupid people.

So fine, hooray for little people.

Boo for people who interrupt a nice family dinner with talk of goats and dogs.

A short little something

It's different but it's also the same.