things that make me say argh! (vol. 1)

There are a lot of things that bug me, but there are some that make me so mad that my madness drives me to the point of screaming.

Internet fan sites that haven’t been updated in more than a year. Yeah, you’re a big fan.

People who refers anyone else as the “next Michael Jordan.”

When you explain something to someone that they didn’t understand, and then they lecture the next person they see about the same thing as if they were an expert on the subject.

Shoes (or any type of clothing for that matter) that need to be “treated” before they can be worn anywhere. It’s like buying an umbrella that requires the purchase of additional materials before you it will actually repel rain.

Shoes purchased at “Payless” that need to be treated before they can e worn anywhere. If its really that big a problem, I’ll just buy an extra 12 dollar pair of shoes.

Restaurant restrooms with signs reminding employees to wash their hands in sinks that are even more disgusting than the toilets.

People who say “billions and billions” in everyday conversation who don’t know who Carl Sagan was and why it makes me chortle.

People who use the word “chortle.”

People who use the word fancy as a verb.

Three letters: MTV. This whole network sucks. Every time I flip past it they are either playing a show involving one of the Simpson sisters. Or “Battle of the Sexes.” Note to MTV: Those letters stand for Music Television! None of those shows has anything remotely related to music. And screw you guys for thinking anybody wants to watch that shit. And an even bigger SCREW YOU if you watch those shows… unless you happen to be someone I like and then I’ll have to let that slide… then again, if you are someone I like and you spend any amount of time watching shows about Jessica or Ashlee Simpson then I can’t—by principle—like you anymore. I guess what I really need is a station that plays “Pimp My Ride” 24 hours a day. I can’t get enough of Mad Mike and all the other crazy cats over at West Coast Customs.

Individuals who have the nerve to say out loud that people who listen to NPR are actually better than people who don’t. As true as that may be, I think it behooves us to keep our smugness to ourselves.

People who use the phrase “Peace Out.”

Peace Out,

- N Blunderson

A few brief notes – I left out an important part of my anniversary story, only because it didn’t really fit with the tone of the piece that ended up on line. There was a draft that included what my best friend, with whom I work at Target, asked me what he should tell our co-workers regarding my absence. I told him to tell people I was having emergency penis reduction surgery on the basis that the truth was just too embarrassing.