hoffa is not in my pants

Why can't this thing go away? Its been what, 30 years? 31?!

I get that a lot of people are caught up in what happened to Jimmy Hoffa but I am to the point where I'm as interested in hearing about where he might be as I am in watching an episode of the Surreal Life with Jose Canseco. So what if he is there? Who cares? Does it even matter if he's still alive? (those last three questions could go either Hoffa or Canseco I suppose)

What is it about big Jim that causes so many of us to feel a desperate need for closure?

I for one feel the on again/off again efforts to find even a trace of Hoffa are not only half-assed and tedious, but a perfect reflection of American society as a whole. Our attention span has grown short and impatient (think for a moment of 250 million Abraham J simpsons and you get where I'm comming from). How it has come to this involves a discussion that I'm not interested in and I certainly don't care for (see what I did there?). But like most things that get us all excited, it is far too late to glean anything from all the hubub that could benefit any of us intellectually or otherwise. If they do find Jimbo, we'll buzz like the pathetic media sheep that we are, then go back to watching TiVo'd episodes of America's Next Top Model.


Or in my case, The Surreal Life with Jose Canseco.


If the Feds really want to find Hoffa, they should probably start looking everywhere. I realize that sounds like a lot of work, but if I've learned anything about being an American these last few years it would be that it is not wrong to waste time, money, or even lives on any endeavor as long as we stick to our guns no matter how wrong we end up being... in the end. If we start today we could complete that task by 3037. It may amount to a colossal waste of time, but at least we'll have found Jimmy Hoffa, and even I have to admit that that will have been more worthwhile than most of the other things we're doing right now.


And then we can focus on problems that truly affect us as people in what I like to call "the actual world."


Questions like: When the fuck is Tom Hanks going to cut his hair?


Seriously, it is really starting to bother me.