and I'm out

I'm off for a couple of days for a reunion with the in-laws. It will most likely be the worst two days of my life. Luckily, I've had enough really bad days that it will be nice to see all the shit go full tilt to the extreme. Then maybe the other stuff won't seem so bad. Okay so it won't be that bad, but by preparing for the worst it can only get better, right?

I can tell by the bewildered look in your eyes that most of you have no idea what I'm talking about. For those of you who do... I feel for ya.

I have decided that I just don't care for most peoples opinions, especially those kind of people whose opinions only exsist to justify the things they do. I also dislike opinions that are boring as well as really vague generalized ones... but thats just my opinion.

I have thought a lot about my funeral for the last while. I'm not going to die anytime soon--as far as I know, anyway--I just have some slightly bitter memories of a dear relative who passed away only to have the family ignore most of the wishes the deceased had for the funeral. I also consider all the hubbub surrounding a "living will" thanks to... whats her name? You know that lady who was in the news around the same time there was all that commotion regarding the dude who wore a pointy hat? You remember her? I can't remember her name... sad that story didn't get much media attention...

ANYWAY

I also remember this time when I worked for a soulless convenience store when some guy lost his day planner and while we waited for him to pick it up we read through it and found some really bizarre shit in there. One thing was he had planned out his funeral, and what he wanted all the people (wife, children, friend, etc) to say, down to the very words. As we read through that we all laughed hysterically.

Not nice, I know.

But I have often thought of that guy's planner and the things he wrote. In a way it was as if he was planning to be a good person with all this amazing qualities that he may or may not already have. As cynical as I am I find it laughable to "plan" what kind of person you are going to be. I think there are choices we can make and things we can do to influence the positive way people see us, but on the whole I think you are either a good person, an asshole, or a gray fuzzy creature that exists somewhere in between. And there is nothing you can do about it.

But thats me. And if I thought my views were correct enough to change the world I'd be charging you to read my blog and I'd using that money to start a religion.

The only thing I know for sure is that I would like to be buried in my "can't sleep the clowns will eat me" t-shirt and sandals. I haven't made a decision about the pants yet. Although I'm thinking its gotta be shorts... or maybe a skirt... its a tough decision.

And I think I am getting close to deciding what should be on my headstone. I have it down to these:

• Jefrey (with one F) took up the space
• they got me
• Husband, father, brother and friend... finally found a quiet place to rest

But the one I like most so far is one that sums me up best. In big black letters you would read "go fuck you're self" See, its funny since its what I say and it emphasizes the fact that I could give a shit if my grammar is correct. Plus you guys can laugh at all the people that don't get the joke, or the "you're"... its up to you.

I'm not going to spell check this entry either...

So I'll be gone for a few days, then I'll be swamped with company and work and some other projects... so don't think for a second the updates are going to start rolling in anytime soon... But I can't and I won't apologize for that. I'm sorry, that's just the way I am.

Before I go I should send a shout out to all those low-grade nihilists out there... you know who you are. I just want to tell you that excess ain't rebellion. Rebellion comes straight from the heart. Its not about making up for lost time its about moving on and being happy without whatever it was that was keeping you down. If you really want to stick it to the establishment, or the man, or the machine (fucking George Foreman Grill...), thats the best way to do it. Most importantly grow up and don't suck. Although I think its great to be free and do what it is that makes you happy, the second you start making choices that are hurtful to others is the moment you start to suck. And if you're going to suck, do me a favor and stay the hell away from me.

If everyone made a concerted effort not to suck, the world would be a better place. You don't need an education, or a religion, or a philosophy... just don't suck.